Are you sitting at the breakfast table in your old, flannel robe and fuzzy slippers, while your significant other is next to you, reading the paper in his boxers and 8-year-old, holey, white t-shirt that he refuses to throw away? Are you acting like an old married couple after only a few years (or even months), barely acknowledging each other as the new day begins? What could be a very powerful, loving relationship has become dull and dreary before your eyes.
It doesn’t have to be this way. In fact, one of the largest problems in married couples today is caused by the belief that the romantic spark will stay intact without any effort from either party. The truth is just the opposite, and if you want the fire to stay lit, you’d better plan on investing in a lot of matches throughout your life. Here are 5 “matches” to get you well on your way to re-sparking your relationship:
1. Remember to be who you are- before “you” became “we”. One of the easiest ways to do this is to keep your own interests and do your own thing on a regular basis-after all, that’s who they fell in love with. You like hockey, he likes wrestling… you like roller blading, he likes video games… keep it that way! If you spend every waking moment together with someone, no matter how much you love him/her and how perfect you are together, too much of anything will drive you crazy.
2. Keep “dating” your significant other. Just because you live together and money may be a bit tighter than it used to be doesn’t mean the dating should end; a night out on the town will work wonders to break up the monotony. Dinner and a movie, a night of “people watching” at the mall, or sitting in the parking lot of your favorite coffee shop drinking a latte, whatever makes the two of you happy (together) will work wonders.
3. Don’t threaten. No matter how upset, frustrated, or genuinely angry you are, threatening to leave, kick him out, or throw away his holey white t-shirt is definitely a blow below the belt. Every relationship has its ups and downs, and fighting is typically a healthy part.
4. Shut off the TV during dinner. This should be “you and your honey, how was your day” time, not watch the news or Drew Carey rerun time. Remember, you’re looking for quality time, not quantity.
5. Add a few “Extra Sparks” to the bedroom. Yes, even sex can get boring if it’s done the same way all the time. Maybe take a “surprise” weekend trip to a local hotel and never leave the room until you have to go home. How about adding an adult toy or DVD to the usual routine- as long as the two of you are okay with it and have an open mind, as sharing such intimate moments is key to a long, happy marriage.