There are many valid reasons to be wary of having sex while drunk. “When you’re in a state of inebriation, your judgment can be a little off, and you may get yourself in a situation that makes you more vulnerable,” says sex and relationships counselor Annie Trites. “Also, if you have never practiced safe sex, or you are new to having sex with a new partner, the physical act of [having] sex with alcohol on board can be far more difficult, as it is with any new or risky act.”
These reasons may be the reasons you pick a sober hookup partner over a buzzy one — you certainly want to be using a condom or practicing safe sex, and how much do you want to party?
But alcohol isn’t the only reason to be wary of hookup culture. Sex therapist and psychologist Harriet Lerner writes in a 2005 article for Psychology Today that a lot of young people — at least in the U.S. — practice casual sex because it’s been “normalized.” With this shifting view of sex outside of wedlock, many people no longer think they’d be weird for having it on a whim or not with the person they love.
And who are we to say they’re weird?
Perhaps the biggest reason casual sex is so problematic is that it’s just accepted. There’s no longer a sense of shame to having sex (sometimes), even if one partner is in a relationship. And because it’s not necessarily right for every single person, it has become the default.
“There’s a sense that casual sex is something that has always existed,” says St. Louis sexologist Marie Hartman. “I have to tell you that when I would meet with a girl back in the ’90s, if I would see they were single, I didn’t think about it. They’d just be single or they’d be single and unhappy. But now, there’s no such judgment.”
So there you have it: dating, hookups, and picking up strangers in the club have suddenly become not only acceptable, but expected. But as social pressures increased, so did pressures to stay protected. But casual sex can be dangerous if you’re not careful, so here’s how to protect yourself:
1.Be careful with sex in general. “If you are not having sex regularly, it may be a matter of time before you get into a sexual situation that leads you to get injured, infected, or otherwise have a physical or mental health problem,” says Trites
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Hannah Mitzman Check Out the Latest Giggles on Hookup Apps for Casual Sex The point of casual sex shouldn’t be about being liberated to go and have sex whenever you want with someone you don’t know — it should be about being liberated to make it a goal to not have sex whenever you want to. When it comes to hookups, it’s really about being open with yourself and your desires so that you can choose how to go about having sex. I’m pretty clear with my desires and what I’m looking for, and when the situation arises, I’m ready to just get it over with. But I’m not ashamed of what I want or what I’ve desired in the past. Check out the latest in giggles! 1. This comic cuts to the quick when it comes to the hookup app mindset: 2. Then there are these stories from the most recent BetterOPD — all about hookups gone wrong: 3. And of course, as this girl is reminded, casual sex comes with potential STDs and a whole lot of risk: 4. An older dude makes it explicit that we’re all fools, and casual sex is not for children: 5. And lastly, this dude sums up the problem with casual sex with the old “It’s not sex without emotion” statement: There are plenty of uses for casual sex. But being in it because you want to or because you think you’re “supposed to” is a terrible reason to get into it. It can be really empowering to use casual sex for all sorts of reasons, but making it out to be something it’s not is a trap. People get into hookups for all sorts of reasons, and some of those reasons are not worth it. The scariest thing is that a lot of the excuses we give ourselves for hookups can also get in the way of actual doing anything about them. Whether it’s because we “just feel like it” or “there’s nothing better out there,” or because we feel bad if we’re “crazy” about someone else or don’t know if they’ll even want to go out with us, it’s easy to lay the blame on casual sex. What the motivation might be for hookups, though, can’t really be “because that’s what everyone does.” There are plenty of uses for casual sex, and the problem comes in jumping to conclusions about your
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